This Changes Nothing
by hobbitsandlocks
Summary: Kili pines for Fili, though his love is unrequited.


Kili stares. His brother is sleeping, snoring softly, his chest rising and falling in time with the creaking of the pine trees surrounding them. The embers leftover from the fire crackles, illuminating Fili's face, highlighting the bridge of his nose, enveloping his cheekbones in light. Kili is entranced, tracing his brother's face with his eyes. They aren't far apart, a few inches, maybe. Kili drops his hand from where it rests on his chest and slides it towards Fili's, nudging his brothers' hand with his own. No response. As usual.

"Kee!" Fili's voice ricochets off the trees, and Kili spins around. His brother is laughing, giddy with mirth, as he picks an apple from the tree they are both scaling. Despite Thorin's harsh control of the company, the two can sneak off sometimes and steal moments of pure, unadulterated joy. Kili can only stare at his brother's profile, absorb the rugged beauty in snatches so as not to be seen. Fili whoops, startling Kili from his daze, and drops to the ground. Kili follows suit.

"I got you an apple, brother," Fili winks. Kili stalks over and grabs the apple from the elder brother's grip, sinking his teeth into the crisp fruit. For a second, his face is normal, then it contorts into a grimace as Kili spits the apple from his mouth.

"FEE! That had worms!" Fili is already giggling, then he is rolling on the ground, overcome by peals of laughter. Kili tackles him, snarling, and soon enough, pins him.

Everything stops, and the two are suspended. Kili can feel Fili's breath against his lips and slowly, so as not to disturb the quiet, presses his mouth against Fili's. His brother's lips are warm, so warm, so perfect—exactly as he imagined, and he opens his jaw to deepen the kiss when Fili makes a strangled noise and pushes Kili off him. He's breathing heavily, eyebrows knotted together. Scowling. Kili is motionless, cursing himself for being so utterly stupid and reckless.

"What the HELL, Kili?" Fili's voice is ragged, angry. "What the fuck were you thinking? I'm your BROTHER, Kili."

"Fee, no, I'm sorry, please—," but Fili stomps off in the direction of the rest of the company. Kili sags back to his knees and drops his head to his hands. _You've fucked everything up, Kili. The one good thing you had, you had to go and chase it away. _The tears are hot on Kili's cheeks and his fists clench, fingernails digging into his palms.

The brothers haven't spoken in days, and the company is unsettled. Instead of curling up together at night, they turn their backs and sleep alone. On one such night, Kili lies, trying to make out the sound of his brother's snoring, but can't hear it. He turns his head, softly, and finds Kili with his eyes. Kili is wide awake, eyes smack open.

"WARGS!" The cry is loud and Kili rouses, unsure of who uttered the sound. He lunges for his bow, but, instead, groggily grabs his sword. He bolts upright, and enters the fray. On all sides, dwarves are grappling, fighting with a desperate energy. Kili scans the area for Fili, and sighs in relief as he sees him still standing. Kili is still watching, however, as the warg rounds to face his brother.

Kili is still watching as the warg lunges for Fili's throat.

Kili is no longer watching as he throws himself at his brother, knocking them both to the ground. He quickly rolls off Fili and buries his sword up to the hilt in the warg's chest. He is about to laugh in triumph when the claws tear at his sternum and his surroundings flash by with the intensity of stars, and he hits the ground, frail as an eggshell.

The wargs are defeated, but Kili falls.

Fili is next to him, sobbing. His hand is warm and the pressure light as he caresses Kili's face, his hands, his neck, every precious inch of surface that will soon be cold in the grip of death.

"Fee—,"

"Brother—," Fili chokes out a sob. Kili moves to speak, but Fili rests his fingers to Kili's lips. "Kee, you are…my everything…please…don't."

"I'm sorry—Fee—the kiss," blood spatters Kili's lips.

"The kiss…changes nothing…love you…with my entire body," Fili struggles between his racking sobs. He lays his head in the crook of Kili's neck, cradling his brother's broken form against his own, feeling the life draining from the wounds.

"Love…you…," Kili whispers. His shaking stills.

Seventy-six years after his death, Kili stands in the meadow. In the distance, he spies a figure, growing closer. His knees grow weak, and he runs with the same youth and vigor he's possessed indefinitely. He stops when he reaches the other dwarf, who once again looks young, as young as Kili remembers. When they embrace, Fili whispers into Kili's ear.

"I love you, too."

Kili grins, and when they kiss, years may have well passed before they break apart.


End file.
